The guy's brother committed suicide a couple of years ago. He doesn't seem to be doing too well himself either. They never seemed all that normal to begin with, and with one of them dead now, the other has reached a new high.
Here he comes, years later, he spots me in the coffee shop, he says hello, I say hello.
I say hello and I plug my earphones to my ears as a signal that hello is all I am going to say for the night. His new high doesn't allow him to pick signals. He sits down. He talks and talks and talks and then he babbles and then he talks some more. All the while, I am playing poker in his face. Yeah that is right, poker in his face, and he keeps on babbling and talking and talking and babbling.
I should be nice. It wouldn't kill me to pretend to be paying some attention to whatever he is trying to "teach" me. The guy has been through a lot already. I know for a fact he had very few friends when I last saw him and I am sure that he has barely any left with his new high.
Would it have killed me to have lent an ear to what he was saying, to pretend I was a bit interested? It sure wouldn't have, but at the time it did seem that it would. Poker seemed a much more important activity. Poker actually IS a more important activity considering the stuff he was babbling about. But. But I could have given him a few minutes of my oh so consuming addictions. It would have meant the world to him. But I simply didn't.
He came at a very wrong time. My not wanting to listen to him is a constant, but the timing just worsened it. He came in right after the poker guy left.
Now the poker guy. That is a whole other story.
Here I was, sipping my third cup of coffee, lighting my nth cigarette while playing poker, and he comes in and introduces himself.
The story goes as follows:
I was playing poker, and a guy playing on the table says hello. I say hello.
How r u?
Fine thanks,u?
Good thanks.
So where are u from?
Lebanon,u?
Ahla! ( Lebanese for Welcome )
OMG! I sensed u were Lebanese too!
Me too!! So where in Lebanon do u live?
Achrafiyeh, u?
OMG!!!! Me too!!!
No way !!!
Yes way!!! So where in Achrafiyeh do u live?
Rmeil, u?
Syoufi, but right now I am at Sassine.
No way!!!! Me too!!!! Where at Sassine r u?
Fedex.
Hhahahahaahaaaaa u gotta be kidding me!!!
Lol, no, why??
Coz I am at Colombiano!!!!
No way !!!!!
Yes Way!!!!
Ok then I should come over and say hello!
Definitely!!! This is such an unusual coincidence!!
Now, let me break out the above conversation:
How r u?
Fine thanks,u?
Good thanks. I am such a liar, I just lost my job for God's sake! I am not well at all!!!
So where are u from?
Lebanon,u?
Ahla! ( Lebanese for Welcome )
OMG! I sensed u were Lebanese too! Half true.
Me too!! So where in Lebanon do u live?
Achrafiyeh, u? Since when was giving personal info to strangers on the internet a good idea?? huh??
OMG!!!! Me too!!!
No way !!! This guy must be lying, no?
Yes way!!! So where in Achrafiyeh do u live?
Rmeil, u? Mireille, would you stop giving out such info please??
Syoufi, but right now I am at Sassine.
No way!!!! Me too!!!! Where at Sassine r u? Oh you idiot!!! He is not even handsome, he looks old, why the hell are you showing interest at all??
Fedex.
Hhahahahaahaaaaa u gotta be kidding me!!! Very true.
Lol, no, why??
Coz I am at Colombiano!!!! Yeah blow your cover M, you queen of imbeciles! ( It is useful here to point out that Colombiano and Fedex are adjacent)
No way !!!!!
Yes Way!!!! Correction, empress of imbeciles.
Ok then I should come over and say hello!
Definitely!!! This is such an unusual coincidence!! What the fuck?????
And sure enough, he comes in a couple of minutes later. He is supposed to say hello. Chat for a couple of minutes, we would both marvel again at the coincidence, and then he is supposed to be out on his way.
The above describes the best case scenario I had written in my obviously tiny little head when I realized what I had just agreed to when I told him to "yeah, sure, come over!". Now the below is the worst case scenario of what actually happened, the parts in red are the parts that went differently that planned:
And sure enough, he comes in a couple of minutes later. He is supposed to say hello. Chat for a couple of hours, we would both marvel again at the coincidence, he would find a higher, cosmic meaning to the coincidence, he would compliment my beauty every 5 minutes, we would discuss politics, religion, Lebanon, relatives, villages, his work, my work, work in general, people out of work, people looking for work, people who don't want to work, his car, my not having a car, Achrafiyeh, parking spaces, rent, food, coffee, cigarettes, smoking, not smoking, drinking, sleeping, insomnia, radio, TV, wireless, internet, wireless internet, passwords, poker, chips, friends, enemies, Africa, Europe, funerals, dancing, dancing in funerals, heritage, death, heaven, Easter, fasting, sinning, and then he is supposed to be out on his way.
All the while, I am not nice. I keep looking at my laptop. I want to play poker. He asks if I would like him to leave, I say no, But Of Course Not!! So yes I was nice. Well maybe not nice but at least I tried to be civilized.
Another recent not so nice anecdote. So my friend Zeina has sprayed her Jeep's rims in black. She asks me if they look nice, I blurt it out: NO. I am so mean!!! Would it have killed me to say yes they are, knowing that it would have meant a lot to her while not costing me more than a little white harmless lie?
Now since this is dedicated to you Zeina, before I give you what you are waiting for, I should explain what I am replying to first.
So the other day I came to Colombiano, and since Zeina and I had talked about meeting up earlier that day, I sent her an sms asking her where she is. And her reply came as follows: I am spraying my rims.
Now that was weird, don't you agree? I was understandably baffled by her reply to the point of not having a single thought to respond to such a bizarre statement.
Zeina wants me to reply in a blog, so here it goes Zeina, I have thought a lot about this, it has consumed a considerable amount of my precious time, and I couldn't possibly find a better reply than what I am about to say to you. Embrace yourself, and scroll down a bit:
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N2el3eh Zeina!!!! Bala Sorry !!!!! HhAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH
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