It is true. I am not sure if this should be ranked as embarrassing and pathetic or as sensitive and fragile. Mainly because I am not sure which of the aforementioned categories I actually belong to.
I never thought that I could be so much moved and annoyed simultaneously. I am not sure which of these feelings dominated the other or which was the actual ignition for my tears. Nevertheless, I cried. I cried like I haven't cried - or allowed myself to cry to be more specific - in ages.
In fact, I am lying. Not too many weeks ago I cried endlessly. But it had been a long time before that time since I had cried. And this is the truth.
I used to cry effortlessly before. Now it takes tons of problems, a huge amount of stress and exaggerated emotional wounds to topple one over the other to make me cry. And they are never the direct reason for the flow of tears. It is always another irrelevant yet significant incident that gets me going.
My cat is in deep agony. She is a fantastic cat, but like any cat, she has reached that period where she needs to mate, and it is torturing her so much that she is spreading her anguish all over the place. It is distressing us all. We haven't slept in a week. We are kept awake by her constant never-ending mewing, if that is what it is called, because I am pretty sure there is another word for the horrible sounds she is making while she turns on her back and starts rolling around. She is growling, she is hissing, she is shrieking, she is screaming.
Tonight, I was alone with her. I begged her to stop it, to shut up just for five minutes so I could catch up a bit on my sleep, to do me the favor of going back to being a "minor" cat that is just fuzzy and cuddly; she just wouldn't. She kept looking at me with those big passionate cuddly eyes while rolling over herself under my feet. I am not sure what was the first thought that came into my mind that second, but it was followed by a quick bunch of other frustrating thoughts, and all of a sudden I felt deeply depressed and tears came down flowing over my face.
Yasmina - my cat - understood. Don't ask me how, don't ask me why, because I am anything but a cat expert. She just did. She stopped all the sounds and all the movements. She climbed up next to me, tuned around me cuddling my back, sat on my left, and she looked at me with the most understanding look ever, a look so piercing with sympathy and perception like you couldn't believe. She started caressing my hand with her paws. Yes, my cat cuddles me just like I cuddle her. It was her apology to me. And I accepted it with a wide open heart.
Don't you dare laugh at me. This is an absolutely true story. You could always ask Yasmina if you don't believe me. You probably should actually; the communication I experienced with this tiny beautiful cat tonight was far beyond any I have had with another human being in quite a while now.
