She

I remember the first time we met. I had just gotten back from my first unsuccessful trip to Doha, I was looking for work, and fate led me to a small production house in a street I had long since forgotten existed in Sin El Fil.

She was sitting on the floor in the owner's office, hysterically typing on her laptop. It was summer, it was hot, but those weren't admissible excuses in my view for her to wear such a short top. She struck me as bold and powerful. She was exactly my type. I instantly disliked her.

I had no choice. I took the dreadful job. It bored me senseless. She didn't. We hit it off in no time. It didn't take us long before we found ourselves having a drink or a coffee somewhere, and it took much less even before I became her guardian angel - literally. Or was it her who was mine all this time?

Lebanese have found countless ways to spend their money on petty things and to commercialize every other occasion that comes their way. The famous Christmas's guardian angel is just another form of those endless ways. It is especially common within the circle of employees in small firms. And of all people in that office, I picked out hers at random. I gave her chocolate, food and the like, but that wasn't all, I intruded on her privacy in her mother's presence among us. She was contagious: I had become bold too. I gave her the most radical and inappropriate gift ever. I had her head spinning and wildly guessing. She accused everyone. She had never suspected her biggest admirer. 

Eventually she found out I was the guilty part during that fateful Christmas dinner. Fateful because it was the night I dreamed of the infamous Robert. It was her who sought him out, who called his name in pubs at the top of her lungs. Her argument was: He might be here, he might answer, you might be happy.

And happy I was to have found such a faithful and loyal friend or even partner if I dare say. 

What? Did you really think I was a lesbian and so was she?? I am so very sorry to disappoint you, but we aren't, although she has always calmly stated that "she wanted my body". She still does. Ask her. 

Friendship evolved. By Valentine's day we were almost ready to board the plane that will take us to our dream destination, the breathtaking Czech capital. 

Three ladies had the time of their lives in Prague. We bonded. We moved in together with a forth even. We lived under the same roof, sharing everything from water to secrets.

It was on her shoulder that I cried my eyes out. It was in her car that we drove to nowhere in particular. She was the tough nail on which I hanged like the saggy old painting that I am. 

And then came the day when we parted. We didn't argue. We didn't shout. We didn't even plan it, but we had drifted apart. For a while it seemed that the only thing that had held us together as far as we had was the same roof, and when we came out of its protective shadow, it was too hazy for us to spot each other anymore. 

But like magnets - or soul mates if those really do exist - we had found  the way each to the other again. We picked up where we had left off. Water came back to its stream...

And we lived happily ever....

Or we almost did.

Distance will always be a barrier trying to keep us apart.

But we are stronger than distance, and soon my dear friend, very soon, I will become wider than the continent that separates us, and I will give you a high five...from your beloved Beirut... to the Paris I long for...

Virtual Gambling

This is how it is: Texas Holdem Poker on Facebook is going to make me sick with worry and anxiety! I know it is stupid, I am aware that this isn't a real money issue - thank God for that or I would have been in jail by now! - but still, it is an extremely bad habit that is consuming me and my time!

According to Facebook, I have been a member of this application since 2008, but since I had no idea how to play before, and since as you may have experienced as well, I used to receive tons of exchanging chips requests, I had blocked it sometime between 2008 and 2011.

What had changed in 2011 you may ask? And even if you don't ask, I will tell you, hell this is my blog after all!

Ok, I understand the rudeness of that previous sentence but I wanted to be the boss at something because everything seems out of control somehow...

Anyway...

I have been spending New Year's Eve with the family for the last couple of years, and it has always been the tradition to play "Sab3a w Nos", which means Seven and a Half between Christmas and the new year. Sab3a w Nos is a small time poker game but it is fun and easy. Since we don't have actual chips at grandma's house, we use whatever kind of grains about to expire we have at our disposal. Therefore, our winning usually consists of a ball of lentils or a bunch of chickpeas. Every grain goes for 500L.L.which equals one quarter of a US Dollar. And yes of course we exchange them with money afterwards, just in case you were wondering, which you probably weren't... bah! whatever, I am rambling!

So where was I again? I got distracted with yet another round of virtual poker...

Alright, so for the last 2 years, my uncles have been teaching us new poker games because they are more "exciting" than Sab3a w Nos. Last year, it was Black Jack, and beginners' luck being on my side, I had won the whole pot.

Now this year, it was about time we had learned Texas Holdem, according to the experts of course. It was such a blast; not only have I really enjoyed it, I have also won it all once again with my now being cursed by the whole family "beginners' luck"!

This year though, small money rounds in the house weren't exactly enough. New Year's Eve is after all a "Try Your Luck" night, who hasn't stumbled upon the myth of having a great new year if you win on this fateful night? Well in case you haven't, I would like to welcome you to our incredibly superstitious society and its wild beliefs when it comes to luck, health, wealth, and you name it. 

This year we had to REALLY try our luck, and the only suitable place for such a noble endeavor was none other than the prestigious Casino du Liban. 

I had been to the Casino before, but it had always been for the innocent pleasure of enjoying a play or a concert. So far at least. This year, my after midnight visit didn't hold in its folding any artistic ends or contents for that matter, because when you go to the play rooms, you discover a whole new world of crooks, creditors and genuine assholes, either talking very very loudly, either, although not a lot of difference entails, screaming their guts out. You see night wanderers and night owls. You see addicts and fun seekers. You see insomniacs and geeks. You see the poor and the wealthy. You see people in their finest and people touching rock bottom. People ruined and people sitting on a cloud of fake glory and none-lasting fortune.Taxi drivers and estate emperors. People in silk and cashmere and others wearing practically rags.

I lost the equivalent of 33 USD in less than 10 seconds that night in the Casino. I was frustrated, flabbergasted, but I mostly felt ashamed for being so stupid to fall into this false, this destructive temptation. I had lost my beginners' luck, I had attempted to move on to the next step. Failure is the best cure as it seems. Losing the money I had won at home had a very sobering effect, I even replaced the double black whiskey with water for the rest of the night. 

Back to the subject. Five days after New Year's, I went to Qatar, and you have all read about that story I suppose. Anyway, with no money and barely any acquaintances there, confined to the solitude of my hotel room, I was bored, and the book I was reading at the time wasn't very interesting, plus basic cable doesn't do it for me. Like a lamp flashing over the head of a cartoon character, I remembered the Texas Holdem application on Facebook. I unblocked it and have barely closed it ever since. 

I am back from Qatar now, and I don't dispose of all the time in the world since I am currently working on a project, but somehow I manage to find hours on end to spend (in both meanings of the term) gambling my virtual chips in that game.

It is funny what boredom can make you do, to what lengths one can go to overcome it. I am having anxiety attacks and I am on the verge of nervous breakdown because of a stupid virtual game! I am mad at myself for letting myself get addicted to such petty things! Thank God I am against drugs, because it is possibly the only thing I am not addicted to! Anything else that comes to your mind, I am already addicted to it one way or the other. Trust me, and you get to name it. From cigarettes to mini cigars, from pipe to alcohol, from shopping to food, from diet Pepsi to sugar free Halls, I am on it! Well when I say alcohol, I don't mean I should be looking for AA meetings, but I rarely remember myself saying no to a drink. Are there anonymous meetings for shopaholics in Lebanon? I wonder, I really do, because I could seriously use them, especially since I am an almost broke one!