I Am A Sinner I Am A Saint

What is the difference really? It all boils down to what exactly? Everything is relative. What you may find wrong I may find right and vice versa. 

Don’t get me wrong, I am not defending sinners or sins; I am just trying to figure it out. 

But wouldn’t you agree if I said that almost every pleasure on this planet is in one way or the other sinful? Not necessarily sinful in regards to one’s own, but perhaps to someone else. 

What are the rules? How far can one push the limits? 

I remember a civism lesson in which we learned that “your freedom stops when the freedom of others begins”. This is a literal translation. I am not sure why I associated it in my mind with the sinners’ subject. The important thing is that I did and now I should find the connection. 

Should I stop in my tracks and refrain what I am thinking of doing because it might be hurtful to others – though not so at all to me? Should others’ rights be respected by me? Are they really entitled for those rights? Why are those rights theirs and not mine?

I have tried to put myself in other people’s shoes. I couldn’t. I am not the others and the others are not me. I may never know the harm I am causing them unless I get to be in their position someday.

Till that day arrives – if it ever does – should I be blamed? Should I really care?

I am not a monster. I do have some feelings. I do feel sympathy for example. But I am also selfish. 

I am selfish and I am not afraid to admit it. Everyone knows it. It is not something I try to shadow. 

But how far can I take this selfishness before it gets me into real trouble?

Should I fear the trouble? Should I dread the consequences? Should I step back?

Should I this, should I that.

I wish the series of questions would stop at could I this, could I that. 

Because I could. Because I can. 

Because I want to.

Because in my twisted world, I want to, and in my compulsive mind, I have to.

Sorry for all the abstractness, but although I want to, although I have to, although I could, although I can, although I shouldn’t, I am not proud.