Paris Paris!

It has been months since my trip to Paris, but I’ve been so taken with my move to the US that I never really had the time or the inspiration to give that beautiful city its right in my blog.

I was there to witness the celebrations on the National Day Commemoration at the Champs de Mars, I melted in the crowds in front of a fully lit Eiffel Tower, and then I went to meet my friends on what I will dub a pub trottoir in Montparnasse. While waiting there sipping blond beer and begging the waiter for more water, I took endless notes on my Paris experience, but alas, perfume spilled over the notebook in my purse and they are now lost in a multicolor aquarelle, but the memory remains. The details are awfully stained, but the big picture stands still in my head as I recall my long walks and my countless metro rides. 

My first surprise in Paris was to see people drinking more beer than wine. Could have been the summertime effect. In any case, I had no problem with that at all, because try as might, I still hate wine, and I will take beer over it anytime. And sure enough I tried wine again there for like the umpteenth time, but my answer is still no, my taste buds just reject it, even in Paris!

Paris for me was a parade of hunchbacked elders, warm suburban people and tourist processions. It was a carnival of the cutest little flowery balconies and the greenest boulevards I ever came to see. The wow effect was omnipresent throughout all the complicated trajectories I had to take, be it at something as monumental as the spectacular museums and churches, or while digging for little treasures at the Vanves flee market.

I stayed in Paris for a total of 11 days at my best friend’s apartment. I really couldn’t have asked for a more welcoming couple than her and her husband. They both made my trip a memorable one in all aspects, and I am forever grateful for having hearts big enough to share the sweetest little place in the whole of France with me. The apartment overlooked a huge breathtaking park that housed two schools and sunbathers at the same time. It was just beautiful!

Before I continue, let me get this out of my system: I was so unbelievably disappointed with the Eiffel Tower. For me, it was just a bunch of rusting metal that isn’t even that big. I know all the historical importance of the tour and everything, still, I wasn’t impressed, and I didn’t even bother waiting in that impossible queue to go up there. Otherwise, Paris was awesome!

Awesome for its magnificent architecture, minus Tour Eiffel. Awesome for the live music blasting in metro stations and on the sidewalks. For the familiar smell of fresh bread out of the countless boulangeries. For all the art pinning the walls and bridges surrounding the whole river Seine scene. For the bicycles on every corner and in every street. For high schools bathing in greenery and the newspaper stands wherever you walk. And most of all, for Montmartre and Place Pigalle.

Paris reeks of history, of marble statues and of chemically challenged monuments. I was shocked to find out on my first day that during summer, this city’s days become so long, but I learned soon enough to turn that fact to my advantage. I also learned that one euro practically has no value in Paris and that Charles de Gaulle airport seriously needs a better service department. I roamed Paris like a labyrinth, stopping by for meals of crepes and gauffre in colorful kiosks and never learning how to mask my stupid smile every time I saw a Lebanese restaurant.

Paris is the land of unisex hair salons and obnoxiously old, decaying nail polish on dirty fingers. It is the land of misplaced, odd McDonalds and problematic parking system. But it’s also the land of pedestrians, of respected disabled people, and of the Quartier Latin, housing the most inspiring bookstores and music libraries.

I fell in love with the little stores crammed in the metro, with the Moroccan corner stores and with the diversity Paris can offer you. I quickly realized how easier it was to negotiate with immigrants, especially when it came to ridiculously overpriced souvenirs.

Paris wasn’t as romantic as I had expected, but it made up for it with its Pont des Arts, with those beautiful engraved locks and with the Chinese couple taking their wedding photos at the Trocadero.  

I must admit I was baffled with the pubs and restaurants’ systems, which I would describe as bizarre at best, but it is part of what makes Paris interesting, of what makes me believe I would never be bored if I were to live there. I would still argue again again for my right to hold my drink in hand while walking inside a restaurant, I mean what kind of rule is that??

Paris in brief is the taste of the traditional versus that of the exaggerated. That sentence would sound a lot better in French, le gout du traditionel et celui de l’exagere, but it’s an English blog, and for that I am currently sorry.

If you are ever in Paris, you must pay attention not get robbed, pickpocketing is huge in the metro, and you also shouldn’t expect to hear Edith Piaff’s voice anywhere. Contrary to my logical prospects, the national events along with the pubs and clubs would only offer you English tunes for some reason.

Public cleanliness was a bit of an issue for me, I mean I never knew that I would ever see anything such as dry shampoo until I browsed Parisian supermarket shelves. I would also advise you against using museum bathrooms even if it puts you at risk of peeing your pants in the Louvres. Trust me when I tell you that it will feel less disgusting than using those restrooms.

I don’t wish to end this article on such revolting notes, which is why I will revert to the subject of friends. Once again I would like to extend my endless gratefulness towards the couple who was gracious enough to host me, and to all the lovely friends I was fortunate enough to make during my memorable trip!

To Paris, until we meet again…

Alternative Curriculum

I am sitting here, unaware of how I got here, of why I chose to be here in the first place. As I try to make my recollection, I realize that I decided to come here, I even inquired on how to get here, and drove in a daze with only one purpose in mind: being here.

I have only been here once before, and considering my poor driving skills, it is far. I believe the memory of the vibe this place had given me the first time around brought me back. It gave me the sense that this is the kind of place in which I need to be in order to clear my head, to refresh my crowded thoughts, and to try and simply, relax.

None of the above has been achieved though, and for a very simple reason: I realized thoughts cannot be organized, feelings cannot be disciplined, and the myth of the brain and the heart getting along has been deemed as such for the right reasons. As for the relaxation part, I feel even tenser than when I arrived.  

All the students surrounding me with heads buried in their books made me think back to my school days, and more precisely, to my school books. I sit here wondering what most have spent a good part of their time wondering. When will we ever use these useless equations throughout our miserable life? Why would it help to know the name of that body part and that one’s function? How is memorizing stupid outdated poems going to help with life’s entangled problems?

Tonight, here, I would like to take a shot at creating an alternative curriculum; one that I believe would help much more with life’s path, at least in the way life seems to me, here, tonight.

I propose a class that would make math look so last century, and I would like to call it “how to lower your expectations”. Take that algebra.

And how about replacing science with “the metaphysics of luck”, “the alchemy of hormones and how to control your stupid impulses” and “beauty and the beast”?

Instead of literature, I would go for “the art of winning an argument”.

Philosophy shall become “the reality of evasiveness”, and civism will go by “the one on one book for etiquette and mutual respect dummies”.

As for geography’s substitute, a special course on “how and where to cultivate the fruit of your decisions” will be conducted by the master of your being, Mr. Ego in all its splendor.

History is so easy to replace, it will become, with the blessing of – for once – both your head and your heart, “guidelines and techniques on erasing the past”.

Regarding activities, a twice a week constructive lesson will be given on “ways to tell a lie from a truth and other practical advice”.

Have I forgotten anything? Maybe. You wish to tell me to shove my curriculum and get over it? Most probably. Do I even care? Of course note. Has this helped me move on with my night? A definite no. Why have I written all of the above? Not so sure.

The lesson: None.

The teacher: An idiot who will never learn by himself.

The one to blame: A system that has probably taught me everything but from which I have learned nothing, and yet, it is still the one to take the blame.

The objective: Filling the blanks in life with elusive meager literature.

The result: Time killed, the acquisition of an illusively mended heart and of course, continuum boredom and loneliness. 

The All Smiles Chapter

As usual, I have nothing in particular to talk about. This is mainly because I have so much energy right now and I am terribly unsure of what to do with it; I figured maybe the urge would leave me once I typed, and typed, and typed. I shall update you at the end of this post.

Till then, let us yap a bit.

What a fabulous month it has been! The only month I could link this one to would probably be February 2009. A lot, and I mean a lot has changed since then; but the vibe this December is generating reminds me of 09, of that particular month. I think what I am feeling is called happiness. I don’t believe I have ever been able to fully grasp that feeling, but February 09 and December 2012 may be the closest I have come to experience it on any scale.

I can’t even begin to describe what tremendous warmth it gives me to be surrounded by my friends. Life tends to separate us often, to send us each to a different corner of the world in pursuit of a future so hazy that it makes us sometimes wonder, what are we really after? But then comes the rare reunion, the ever so far apart get-togethers, and something suddenly makes sense, even if it is just for a fleeting moment. Maybe what we so harshly deem as unfair is deep down the only thing that will ever make sense.

Maybe I am being too optimistic - I know I am being a lot more optimistic than usual at any rate – but maybe I am simply being realistic – which I rarely am. Too philosophical? perhaps. In any case, I am having a rare moment of clarity, the kind of moment one wishes would never go away, would be forever encrusted in one’s psyche. It has something to do with understanding why one shouldn’t party every night or else it wouldn’t make one merrier every time. It has something to do with swallowing the fact that we only get paid once every month. It perfectly explains why I can’t listen to music every day, why I can’t watch a movie every night, why I am ever so rarely happy – or close to experiencing the feeling. It is about the wait, about the anticipation, and about the downsizing of expectations before becoming completely apt and totally ready to savor a moment.

I have come to realize that I cannot enjoy anything unless I had previously been deprived of it one way or another. One way or another… that is a song, one of many that need to be enjoyed every now and then.  Enough with parentheses though. One of the many things pacing my little brain tonight is how to apply my oh-so-deep theories to my actual life. Abstract relationships aside, I suck at applying any of the above. I am the champion of failure when it comes to depriving myself of dinner once every 12 months, let alone depriving myself of a cigarette or a drink even.

When does one reach some level of perfection, or equilibrium to be more down to earth? The word I am looking for here might be harmony. It feels as if I will never get anywhere unless I achieve harmony, one way or another. That is a song by the way, or did I mention that already?

I could be wrong though, I keep contradicting myself tonight. Because if I were to be correct with all of the above yapping, it can only mean one thing and one thing only: I have been preaching nothing but crap for the past 26 years.

And what if I was? And who really cares? And who cares about the new theory? Not me that is for sure. I am just writing for the sake of typing, of releasing mixed energies.

Will I ever look back at this article and wonder? Will you? Perhaps yes. Probably not.

Part of me feels like wrapping this up, getting dressed, joining the party, getting filthy drunk and losing my job tomorrow. The other part feels like…Well let us just say I still have a rational part left in my silly little brain. I am not sure which part I hate the most and which I hold the dearest to my heart. And since we are at it, what I despise above all is the fact that one part always wins and the balance is never achieved.

Is it obvious how happy I was when I started this and how miserable I became afterwards? It wasn’t intentional. It was influential. Call me nuts but I think I just managed to absorb some of a pretty boy’s melancholic vibes. Maybe I am hoping he will reciprocate one day, some day, under the stars of a silky raining sky, overlooking the lights of an ever so luring city, when the wait is over, when the anticipation has reached its peak, and when the expectations have simply ceased to exist.

A Slave of Complaint

It has been an ultra redefining week on so many levels. Well I haven’t exactly discovered anything I wasn’t previously aware of, but everything that had been happening with me or around me has reconfirmed some old theories and feelings.

I am a slave of my routine. Anything that interferes with my daily habits one way or another automatically tends to go on a blacklist that ranges between dislike, discomfort and disassociation altogether.

For those of you who don’t know me in person, here is a concise summary: I am your basic heavy smoker/insomniac with no car. That being said, it is quite understandable how a 24/7 coffee shop near home with an indoor smoking section can work perfectly well for me.

I have been almost living in the same spot for the past 10 years or so. The coffee shop itself changed, the people changed, the cab drivers even changed, but I am still the same. I come here religiously, every night, for the same experience, the same enjoyments, with the odd twist here and there of course.

So could somebody please tell me why am I having to undergo a relatively massive change in the space of less than a week? It simply isn’t conceivable in my mind; having to go from devotedly smoking indoors 24/7 to shamefully smoking outdoors 21/7 is just NOT fair!!!! Not to mention that I have lost the place as a depot as well! I know an explanation is due now and it goes – or used to go to be more precise – like this: The fact that I have no car and that I feel lost without my huge laptop makes me carry it with me wherever I go, and since on some rare occasions I actually have plans elsewhere, but must – and I mean MUST! – come to the coffee shop before AND after the night out, I would usually keep the laptop with the staff for the duration of my plans, and then come back, retrieve it, use it and go home with it. Now what do you suggest I do with my humongous laptop when I need to go out?? And how am I to use it before leaving and dispose of it then? And why oh why don’t I get the chance to use after all my boring plans anymore??

Rant, rant, ranting I do best! I know. But in this case, I have earned the right to do it, haven’t I? I mean come on, after all those years, you chose this week of all weeks to start closing at 3:00 a.m.? What does it even denote to close for 3 meager hours when you need an hour to close down and another to open up? Isn’t it enough that I now have to sweat in the heat and shiver in the cold just because I have been dubbed as an uncivilized smoker? I ask you, isn’t that a sufficiently undeserved and uncalled for punishment?

On another note, I may have become slightly superstitious this week as well. It all started when I caught the bouquet my friend threw on her first wedding anniversary. Does catching the bouquet really mean I am going to meet someone and be the next to walk the isle? And what exactly could it mean that I caught it one year too late?

On yet another note, there has been a lot of dreaming going on. Between the dreams of my relatives, those of my friends and my own, I have been stealing cars, secretly buying cars, and attending some very fishy gatherings. I have also been misplacing my clothes and walking on red sand.

Now link the dreams to the rotting flowers, deprive me of smoking altogether, send me to bed at midnight, and drive me off tomorrow to the nut house in a stolen green Renault. How about that?